hope and faith
by rickyls
Summary: Set after 4x08. Daryl has lost all hope and faith that he'll ever find his family, and particularly, Rick again. Don't base it off the summary I suck at summaries. Rick/Daryl otp or brotp whatver floats your boat, and mentions of Beth/Daryl, Carl/Daryl, Michonne/Daryl friendships.


As Daryl sat down on yet another sofa in yet another isolated house he'd just cleared out, he thought back to when he had a home, when he didn't have to run and change locations every two days. There were three times in his life where he'd had security. The Atlanta camp: sure, it wasn't for long, but it was safe enough for him to meet a group of people to get through this with, a group of people who were nearly all dead now. The Greene's farm, which was safe and protected from the outside world until once again, like always, it was overrun. And finally, the prison, which was the place Daryl felt most secure, like it wasn't a place for the group to stay for a while, but a place to stay forever, to build a home there, and it was working, they had a solid group, food, a council, everything had fell into place, until once again, it all fell apart, like it **always** did.

Daryl was devastated about losing everyone, a group of people who he classed as his family. Glenn, Maggie, Sasha, Tyreese, Carol, Bob. He'd lost them. Michonne, Carl, Judith. He'd lost them too. But the one person he'd lost that hurt him the most, was Rick. The man he once hated, that turned out to be his closest friend, _his brother, _he'd lost him. He never thought when he lost Merle that he'd have to go through the pain of losing another brother. He knew in his mind he'd never see him again. He didn't have the faith that Beth had, he knew he'd never hold his Little Ass Kicker in his arms again, or smile down at her as she giggled and bit on his fingers, he knew he'd never see Carl grow up into an even stronger and even more mature man, because they were all gone. He didn't have hope that they were even alive. Beth had told him they were fine, that Carl, Judith and Rick would be together, that everyone would make it, but he didn't believe it. In his eyes, everyone he loved was gone.

Daryl's thoughts were interrupted by Beth, who was shaking him lightly. "Daryl?"

He ignored her. He didn't want to talk. He didn't need to talk anymore. What was the point?

"We need to keep looking."

Daryl shook his head slowly. "No."

"Why not?" Beth asked through gritted teeth, a habit she'd developed in the past few weeks when it came to talking to Daryl, because there was no getting through to him, he wanted to give up, ignore the world and the only reason they'd continued moving was because Beth knew if she left, he'd follow her, he knew he needed to protect her, she was all he had left now.

"Don't ya get it?" Daryl looked up at Beth. "There's nothin' to look for." He rose from his seat and turned towards the kitchen. "It's just us, no Rick, no Carl, nobody. I ain't going."

Beth shook her head. She was fighting a losing battle. She needed to do something. "No!" she shouted, and Daryl turned to face the blonde who was looking at him with narrowed eyes. "No," she said calmly as she walked up to him. She looked into his eyes, and saw the same expression he had when he told her Zach hadn't made it, only this time it was worse, he was broken, and there was nothing behind his eyes that said otherwise, no hope, and no faith. Nothing. He was a shadow of his former self, and Beth didn't know how to fix him.

She did the only thing she could think of. She wrapped her arms around Daryl's waist. Immediately he hitched a breath and tensed up at the physical contact, before slowly relaxing into the hug. Hugging was a new experience for Daryl, he didn't particularly like hugs, they made him feel like he was being backed into a corner, but somehow, this hug was breaking down his barriers.

And that was when Daryl Dixon broke down. He didn't make a habit of breaking down, he wasn't a fan of expressing his emotions, in fact, he could count on one hand how many times he'd properly broken down in his whole life, but as he thought of everything that happened, how he'd lost Rick, his family, his home, he snapped. Everything was finally too much for him to handle.

'_Dixon's don't cry', _he could hear Merle's voice in his head as he slid to the ground, bringing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, '_Dixon's don't cry',_ he heard once more as a small sob left his mouth. _'Dixon's don't cry, Dixon's don't cry, Dixon's don't cry'. _Daryl forced his eyes shut as he put his hands to his ears. "Just stop talking." He began rocking back and forth. "Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone!" He squeezed his eyes closed even tighter, trying to ignore the voice in his head.

Beth was shocked, she never expected to see Daryl Dixon break down, she expected him to tell her to back off when she hugged him, not ease into the hug and break down. She got onto her knees directly in front of Daryl and put her hand on his knee, "Daryl, it's fine, nobody is here," she said in a quiet, calming voice. "It's okay to cry."

Her soothing voice seemed to do the trick and Daryl opened his eyes to look at Beth. She noticed his eyes were red, and his cheeks were wet from all the crying, and she realized, in that moment, he looked like a helpless little boy, and it broke Beth's heart into two pieces, because he was the strong one, he was the one who held it together all the time. She wanted to comfort him, tell him everything is okay, but she knew he needed this relief, he'd held it in for too long, so she got back up on her feet and headed into the next room, leaving him alone to cry in silence, without an audience, so he could finally let it all out, because she knew the next day, he'd finally be ready to search for everyone. He needed this.

* * *

Daryl didn't know what woke him the next morning, the bright sun that crept through the gap in the curtain, or Beth in the kitchen singing, which for a split second made him think they were back in the prison, all he knew was that he cried like a baby in front of Beth, and instead of embarrassment, he felt relief. For the first time in weeks, he felt that hope that Beth was always banging on about. He finally had that motivation to get up, move on and find his family, find Rick.

He let out a yawn and stretched his arms above his head as he walking into the kitchen, seeing a bowl of cereal on the table, next to a bowl Beth was eating from. She smiled up at him as he took a seat next to her, and he nodded in her direction, the smallest of smiles playing on his lips.

They sat in silence while eating, none of them knowing what to say to the other. Beth didn't want to bring up last night, she'd wait for him to bring it up if he wanted to, but she doubted he would, he didn't need to, she could tell that he'd changed.

"We're gonna move on today." Daryl broke the comfortable silence. "Find them." He pushed his chair out and placed the empty bowl on the kitchen counter, walking out of the kitchen before Beth could reply. She couldn't help but smile ear from ear, because with Daryl Dixon on her side, she'd have her family back before she knew it.

They packed up all they had, which wasn't a lot, and got on the road again. They searched every house on the street, without any luck, but they still didn't give up hope. Every night they'd stay in one of the houses they'd cleared until the sun came back out, spending the whole of the next day searching houses, but again with no luck.

It was their fourth day of searching the houses, and Daryl was losing the hope that he had when they started. He didn't even know if they were looking in the right place, what if they weren't here? What if they were hours away by now? It had been weeks since they were separated. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, it was no use, they hadn't even found anything that suggested Rick or Carl were ever here.

"Daryl...look at this." Beth was standing in front of a door that had a message on that read: '_Walker inside, got my shoe, didn't get me.' _"Sounds like Carl, right?"

Daryl nodded. "Mhmm, it does sound like the kid." He _knew_ this was Carl, it had to be, he knew Carl, it was too much of a coincidence to be somebody else, this was the thing that gave him that hope back that he'd lost after days of not tracking them down, and this was one step closer to finding Rick, one step closer to them finding everyone else, one step closer to getting his family back.

"Better get him that shoe," Daryl muttered, "Get behind me."

* * *

They spent the night in that same house. They were relieved when they found the shoe and realized it was definitely Carl's, they knew this meant there was a chance they were still in the same area, in a different house, this meant that as soon as the sun came out, they were going to find them, he really believed tomorrow would be the day, so for the first time in a long while, he had a good night's sleep, without nightmares about what happened at the prison.

The next morning, they got straight onto searching the houses. They came across the last house in the area they hadn't checked, and they knew this was it. This house was either going to have Rick and Carl inside, or a bunch of walkers inside, and if it was the latter, that would be it, once again there would be no hope of finding them.

Daryl had checked the downstairs of the house, which was clear, and left Beth downstairs before heading upstairs to check the bedrooms.

"No luck," Daryl muttered as he closed the door of the last room behind him. He walked down the stairs to find Beth standing there in the living room with a grin etched across her face. He rolled his eyes. "I give up. And don't go giving me a speech about hope and faith, they ain't here."

He sat on the sofa, his back to Beth. "I give up." He repeated in a whisper. He felt a lump in his throat and he forced himself to hold back the tears, he made a promise to himself he wouldn't cry in front of anyone again. It wasn't worth it.

"Thanks for getting Carl's shoe back." He heard a voice that he hadn't heard in weeks, and one he never thought he'd hear again. He stood up quickly and turned around, then he saw him, _them_. Carl, Michonne, and Rick, all standing behind a smiling Beth.

Daryl didn't know if his mind was playing tricks on him, he remembered back to the other night, hearing Merle's voice so vividly in his head, he didn't want to believe it was true, get his hopes up, just to realize it wasn't real, so he closed his eyes for five seconds, too scared to open them in case it was all in his mind. Eventually he slowly opened his eyes to find Rick standing directly in front of him, his face inches from Daryl's. The ex-cop let out a small smile, and Daryl mirrored his expression.

"I thought I'd never see my favourite redneck again," Rick said quietly, and Daryl dipped his head down to hide his face that had turned bright red, but he couldn't hide his smile. Michonne nudged Carl, both of them watching happily as Rick and Daryl reunited, and they couldn't help but smile at Daryl Dixon blushing and smiling.

Rick took a step back and held out a hand for Daryl to shake, but Daryl had waited long enough for this day, and he did something that shocked every person in the room. He took Rick's hand, and pulled him in for a hug, squeezing him tightly. "I never thought I'd see my favourite Sheriff again," he whispered into Rick's ear, "I missed you man."


End file.
